I just saw a hot homeless man
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He kissed a someone with a penis
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
