exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
