going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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