So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
