Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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