I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
