UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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