so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
