I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my being single is dangerous.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
