I CAN MOONWALK!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
