I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
