She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
