Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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