I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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