I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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