thus making me awesome and them whores
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You are the jesus of drinking
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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