I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
