My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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