Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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