She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
