Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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