Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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