Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
