she was so not down for the gang bang
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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