Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
