Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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