Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
