would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
