where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
