Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
A+ Viking dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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