Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
