the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
