Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
