do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need a beard to bite.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
