The maid of honor just puked.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
