I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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