well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
