I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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