What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You need a sexual gate keeper
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
