I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
