Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
