don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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