I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
