so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
