we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
