So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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