We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
