We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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