bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
