Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
