His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
