there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dick very happy bro
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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