I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
