NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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