; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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