The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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