So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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