why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
