So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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