my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
