I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
