Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
