So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
