guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
