oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
