he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
