Your dad touched me again.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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