Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
