if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
