We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize