i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
