whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
