Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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