Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize