You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
