nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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