bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
