We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
