Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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