Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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