And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
